Twin Peaks Quotations

Twin Peaks is an American dramatic television series created by David Lynch and Mark Frost. The show is set in the fictional town of Twin Peaks in northeast Washington, while the filming took place in northwest Washington.

Episode 1.01

[Pete Martell calls Sheriff Truman after discovering Laura Palmer's body.]

Pete Martell: She's dead. Wrapped in plastic.

Episode 1.02

[Cooper is ordering breakfast during his first morning at the Great Northern.]

Dale Cooper: Now, I'd like two eggs, over hard. I know, don't tell me; it's hard on the arteries, but old habits die hard — just about as hard as I want those eggs. Bacon, super-crispy. Almost burned. Cremated. That's great. And, I'll have the grapefruit juice, just as long as those grapefruits…

[He trails off as he sees high school vixen Audrey Horne saunter up to his table.]

Dale Cooper: … are freshly squeezed.

[Pete Martell pours coffee for Dale Cooper and Sheriff Truman.]

Pete Martell: Mr. Cooper, how do you take it?

Dale Cooper: Black as midnight on a moonless night.

Pete Martell: Pretty black.

Sheriff Truman: You know, I think I'd better start studying medicine.

Dale Cooper: And why is that?

Sheriff Truman: Because I'm beginning to feel a bit like Dr. Watson.

Episode 1.04

[FBI pathologist Albert Rosenfield refuses to release Laura's body for the funeral.]

Dr. Hayward: You're the most cold-blooded man I've ever seen! I've never in my life met a man with so little regard for human frailty. Have you no compassion?!

Albert Rosenfield: Oh, I've got compassion running out of my nose, pal! I'm the Sultan of Sentiment! Dr. Hayward, I have travelled thousands of miles and apparently several centuries to this forgotten sinkhole in order to perform a series of tests. Now, I do not ask you to understand these tests. I'm not a cruel man. I just ask you to get the hell outta my way, so I that can finish my work! Is that clear?!

[Cooper has a chat with Albert after the latter was decked by an irate Sheriff Truman.]

Albert Rosenfield: The old rustic sucker-punch, huh? [calling after Truman] A hail of bullets would be nice!

Dale Cooper: That's enough! The sheriff didn't mean anything.

Albert Rosenfield: He hit me!

Dale Cooper: Well, I'm sure he meant to do that.

Episode 1.06

[Hotel-owner Ben and his brother Jerry discuss a group of Icelandic investors.]

Ben Horne: We've laid in a gala reception for your faired-haired boys tonight. All of Twin Peaks' best and brightest.

Jerry Horne: We're holding it in a phone booth?

Episode 1.07

[One-Eyed Jack's madam Blackie chats with Cooper and Big Ed, undercover as "Barney" and "Fred".]

Blackie: Fred, what's your line?

Big Ed Hurley: Own a gas station.

[Cooper gives Big Ed a look.]

Big Ed Hurley: Uh-um, I'm an oral surgeon.

Blackie: Well, I've got a Chevy parked out back with a serious root canal problem. Wanna take a look?

Big Ed Hurley: Well, I was hoping you might need a little gum work, 'cause I'd sure like to get a look under your hood.

Blackie: [to Cooper] Mmmm… Fred's okay.

Cooper: Fred's a prince.

Episode 2.01

[Cooper is shot, lying on the floor in a pool of blood, talking to his tape recorder.]

Dale Cooper: All things considered, being shot is not as bad as I always thought it might be. As long as you can keep the fear from your mind. I guess you could say that about most anything in life. It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind.

[Sheriff Truman and Lucy visit Cooper in the hospital.]

Sheriff Truman: Lucy… you better bring Agent Cooper up to date.

Lucy Moran: Leo Johnson was shot, Jacques Renault was strangled, the mill burned, Shelly and Pete got smoke inhalation, Catherine and Josie are missing, Nadine is in a coma from taking sleeping pills.

Dale Cooper: How long have I been out?

[Albert is examining Cooper's injuries while he lists the problems of the Twin Peaks case.]

Albert Rosenfield: Meanwhile, one of your principal suspects is killed in his hospital bed, and the other is shot in his living room. You tell me: vigilante justice, or just clean country living?

Dale Cooper: Albert, where does this attitude of general unpleasantness come from?

Albert Rosenfield: I'll have to get back to you on that.

Dale Cooper: Well, if you don't want two black eyes on a regular basis, I suggest you make some kind of peace with the rural life.

Albert Rosenfield: Great. After the square dance, maybe we can all take a hayride.

[Deputy Andy, who recently had a board he stepped on hit him in the face, interrupts Cooper and Albert.]

Dale Cooper: Andy! How's the nose?

Deputy Andy: Not a mark on it! Only blood squirted out.

Albert Rosenfield: Where do they keep his water dish?

. . .

Dale Cooper: Good work, Andy.

Albert Rosenfield: Yeah. Woof.

Episode 2.02

Albert Rosenfield: I, uh, performed the autopsy on Jacques Renault. Stomach contents revealed… let's see, beer cans, a Maryland license plate, half a bicycle tire, a goat… and a small wooden puppet. Goes by the name of Pinocchio.

Dale Cooper: You're making a joke!

Albert Rosenfield: I like to think of myself as one of the happy generations.

. . .

Albert Rosenfield: Oh, the world's most decrepit room service waiter remembers nothing out of the ordinary about the night in question. No surprise there. Señor Droolcup has, shall we say, a mind that wanders.

Episode 2.03

Sheriff Truman: So, what did this giant sound like, huh? I mean, did he have a big, booming voice or what?

Dale Cooper: No, no! He spoke softly, distinctly.

Albert Rosenfield: And you gave him the beans you were supposed to use to buy a cow.

Dale Cooper: No, Albert! I gave him my ring.

Albert Rosenfield: Okay. Uh, confining my conclusions to the planet Earth…

[Albert gives his forensic conclusions on an unknown perpetrator.]

Albert Rosenfield: … and he worked with Leo Johnson, currently appearing at Calhoun Memorial Hospital as Mr. Potato Head.

Sheriff Truman: Anything we should be working on?

Albert Rosenfield: Yeah. You might practice walking without dragging your knuckles on the floor. Heh heh heh.

Episode 2.04

Donna Hayward: There's things you can't get in books.

Harold Smith: There are things you can't get anywhere… but we dream they can be found in other people.

Episode 2.06

Gordon Cole: COOPER, YOU REMIND ME TODAY OF A SMALL MEXICAN CHIHUAHUA.

[Cooper and Truman question the one-armed man, Mike.]

Dale Cooper: What does Bob want?

Mike, The One-Armed Man: He is Bob, eager for fun. He wears a smile. Everybody run!

Episode 2.07

[Dale Cooper reads Harold Smith's suicide note.]

Dale Cooper: "J'ai une âme solitaire." I am a lonely soul. Poor guy.

Episode 2.08

[One-armed man Mike noses around Ben Horne, who's being held for questioning.]

Jerry Horne: Sheriff… no offense, but, eh… clearly, this man's stairs do not reach the attic. Now, your 24 hours are up! You either charge my client or let him go!

Sheriff Truman: Ben Horne, I'm charging you with the murder of Laura Palmer.

Benjamin Horne: Yeah. Good move, Jer!

Episode 2.11

[Agent Denise Bryson, formerly Dennis Bryson (played by David Duchovny), confers with Cooper et al.]

Denise Bryson: [I] understand we're both staying at the Great Northern. How's the food up there?

Dale Cooper: Denise, you're in for a real surprise.

Sheriff Truman: [to himself] So are they.

Episode 2.12

[Agent Bryson asks admiringly after the departing Audrey Horne.]

Dale Cooper: Denise, I would assume you're no longer interested in girls.

Denise Bryson: Coop, I may be wearing a dress, but I still pull my panties on one leg at a time, if you know what I mean.

Dale Cooper: Not really.

Episode 2.15

[Albert observes suspended agent-cum-deputy Cooper's plaid shirt and khaki slacks.]

Albert Rosenfield: Oh, Coop, uh, about the uniform…

Dale Cooper: Yes, Albert?

Albert Rosenfield: Replacing the quiet elegance of the dark suit and tie with the casual indifference of these muted earth tones is a form of fashion suicide, but, uh, call me crazy — on you it works.

Episode 2.17

[Pete, helping Cooper figure out how to outplay evil genius Windom Earle at chess, is interrupted by his "students".]

Lucy Moran: Mr. Martel, Andy moved his knight without doing the little hook thing.

Deputy Andy: You don't have to do the little hook thing; that's optional.

Pete Martell: Andy, uh… the knight has to do the "little hook thing".

Deputy Andy: Every time?

Pete Martell: It's a privilege! No one else gets to make that move.

Episode 2.19

[Near-deaf FBI boss Gordon Cole and Shelly are sharing a diner booth with Cooper and Annie. As Gordon and Shelly kiss, her boyfriend Bobby walks in.]

Bobby Briggs: Hey! What the hell's going on?

Gordon Cole: YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT. [to Shelly] Acts like he's never seen a kiss before.

Dale Cooper: Uh, Gordon…

Gordon Cole: [to Bobby] TAKE ANOTHER LOOK, SONNY. IT'S GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN!

Episode 2.20

[Windom Earle has Major Briggs tied up to a giant dartboard.]

Windom Earle: What is the capital of North Carolina?

Major Briggs: Raleigh.

Windom Earle: Fat load of good that'll do me.

Regular cast

Kyle MacLachlan — FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper
Michael Ontkean — Sheriff Harry S. Truman
Mädchen Amick — Shelly Johnson
Dana Ashbrook — Bobby Briggs
Richard Beymer — Benjamin Horne
Lara Flynn Boyle — Donna Hayward
Sherilyn Fenn — Audrey Horne
Warren Frost — Dr. William Hayward
Peggy Lipton — Norma Jennings
James Marshall — James Hurley
Everett McGill — Big Ed Hurley
Jack Nance — Pete Martell
Kimmy Robertson — Lucy Moran
Ray Wise — Leland Palmer
Joan Chen — Jocelyn "Josie" Packard
Piper Laurie — Catherine Martell
Eric DaRe — Leo Johnson
Harry Goaz — Deputy Andy Brennan
Michael Horse — Deputy Tommy "Hawk" Hill
Sheryl Lee — Laura Palmer/Madeleine "Maddy" Ferguson
Russ Tamblyn — Dr. Lawrence Jacoby
Kenneth Welsh — Windom Earle

Quoternity

Twin Peaks