Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica
Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica is a reality television show on MTV that follows the daily lives of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, a celebrity musical artist couple married in October 2002. The show first aired in August 2003 and ran through March 2005, for a total of three seasons and 41 episodes.
[Long pause, with Nick giving Jessica a dirty look]
[Nick walks over to Jessica just as she enters the foyer]
[Jessica walks away laughing and Nick heads to the doors and starts swaying one from side-to-side to fan the air]
Newlyweds Clean House [1.01]
- Jessica: Is this chicken I have or is it fish? I know it's tuna, but it says chicken... by the sea... is that stupid?
[Long pause, with Nick giving Jessica a dirty look]
- Jessica: What?! Don’t make fun of me right now. I’m not in the mood.
- Nick: You act like you’ve never had tuna before.
- Jessica: I’ve had tuna fish, like, sandwiches and stuff, like this...
- Nick: Baby, you and I have eaten tuna like this before.
- Jessica: Why is it called "Chicken by the Sea" or "in the Sea"?
- Nick: "Chicken of the Sea" is the brand.
- Jessica: Oh...
- Nick: You know, 'cause a lot of people eat tuna, it's like a lot of people eat chicken? So it's like the chicken of the sea.
- Jessica: Okay. I understand now. I was-I read it wrong... [giggles]
Newlyweds Go Camping [1.03]
- Jessica: Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?
- Jessica Simpson: I have bubbles in my tummy.
- Lea: Oh so you're saying that you're gonna go into the tent and fart, is what you're saying.
- Jessica Simpson: It's just air, not stink. Promise.
Newlyweds Go Golfing [1.04]
- Jessica:My boobs are in the way, My boobs make a curve.
- Jessica Simpson: What if I accidentally hit somebody? Because my dad took one of his friends golfing, and it was, like, one of his first times and he knocked out a duck. Like, I'm scared that's going to happen.
The New Newlyweds [1.05]
- Jessica: Platypus? I thought it was pronounced platymapus. Has it always been pronounced platypus?
- Jessica Simpson: I'm gonna go drop some kids in the pool.
- Katie: Hey, some of us are still eating here. The pool's closed. It's adult swim.
- Jessica Simpson: Oh I'll give 'em an adult.
Newlyweds on Vacation [1.06]
- Jessica: Do all dolphins have holes in their heads?
Newlyweds Birthday [1.09]
- Jessica: Twenty-three is old. It's almost 25, which is almost mid-20s.
Unidentified episodes
- Jessica Simpson: Ooh I love this scent.
- Friend: What is it?
- Jessica Simpson: Ah...oh, it's unscented.
- Jessica Simpson: What does it mean when you take a really big breath and it hurts? [inhales big] It hurts really bad right here.
- Nick: It means you shouldn't talk for a day and a half.
- Nick: [reacting to learning that Jessica had just stunk up the bathroom] Jessica-it was Jessica?!
- Drew: [points to Jessica] She's there... [walks away]
[Nick walks over to Jessica just as she enters the foyer]
- Nick: Baby, what did you do... I was just-I just thought Drew farted out here... oh my gosh... [he and Jessica head for the bathroom while Jessica giggles] Turn this-there's a fan; turn the fan on!
- Jessica: [not wanting to take responsibility for the smell] Baby, I didn't see any fan in there!
- Nick: OH MY GOD! Oh-ho... [Nick and Jessica turn around and head away from the bathroom; Jessica giggles while Nick holds his nose and slams the door behind them and then walks back into the foyer and points the finger of shame at Jessica] You should be ashamed of yourself!
- Jessica: I don't need to!
- Nick: Well, obviously, I don't either anymore... [Jessica playfully slaps Nick on his arm] God... [points in the direction of where Drew went off to] I just thought I asked Drew if he farted; he was like "you sure you didn't?"! Mmmmmm...
[Jessica walks away laughing and Nick heads to the doors and starts swaying one from side-to-side to fan the air]
- Nick: Open that door and open this one; good God!