Monkey Island
The following are quotes from the Monkey Island series of adventure games by LucasArts.
Running gags
- “I am Guybrush Threepwood, mighty
.” - – Introduction of the main character, Guybrush Threepwood. Most often identifies himself as a mighty pirate.
- Insult: “You fight like a dairy farmer.”
- Comeback: “How appropriate. You fight like a cow.”
- – Sword fight insult, written by Orson Scott Card.
- “Look behind you, a t--125.237.244.215 07:00, 1 November 2009 (UTC)ĵree-Headed Monkey!”
- Used by many characters (especially Guybrush) to distract someone long enough to escape. In the first game, a three-headed monkey actually appeared behind said characters, but they did not notice
- “I’m selling these fine leather jackets.”
- – Guybrush (a recurring phrase in almost every LucasArts adventure game since first spoken by Indiana Jones in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)
- “That’s the second biggest
The Secret of Monkey Island
- “I wanna be a pirate!”
- – oft-repeated and unexplained aspiration of the protagonist, Guybrush Threepwood
- “So you want to be a pirate, eh? You look more like a flooring inspector.”
- – Blind Lookout to Guybrush Threepwood
- Pirate: Guybrush Threepwood? That’s the most ridiculous name I’ve ever heard!
- Guybrush: Well what’s your name?
- Pirate: Mancomb Seepgood.
- Otis: You’ve got to help me! I’m a victim of society!
- Guybrush: Not to mention halitosis. Yuck!
- Storekeeper: What do you want?
- Guybrush: I could really use a breath mint.
- Storekeeper: You’re telling me. Take one. Please. TAKE A WHOLE ROLL! That will be 1 piece of eight.
- Guybrush: I think I can live without that particular piece of junk.
- Stan: Say, does your wife know you’re such a cheapskate?
- “Please? Pretty please? Please pretty please with sugar on top?”
- – Guybrush Threepwood, when wanting something badly.
- “That’s the second biggest monkey head I’ve ever seen!”
- – Guybrush, about the giant stone monkey head on Monkey Island
- “Ah, there’s nothing like the hot winds of Hell blowing in your face”
- – Le Chuck, on his ghost ship in a river of lava
- Meathook: You've got a real attitude problem!
- Guybrush: Well...you've got a real hair problem!
- Meathook: You just don't know when to quit, do you?
- Guybrush: Neither did your barber.
- [Guybrush has received some disappointing sword fighting lessons.]
- Guybrush: I can’t help but feel I’ve been ripped off. [Towards the fourth wall.] I’m sure you're feeling something similar.
- Guybrush: I’m looking for 30 dead guys and one woman.
- Cannibal: I don’t think I want to hear any more about it.
- Guybrush: At least I’ve learnt something from all of this.
- Elaine: What’s that?
- Guybrush: Never pay more than 20 bucks for a game.http://www.vgmuseum.com/end/scd/a/smon.htm
Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge
- “I’m a mighty pirate!”
- – oft-repeated phrase of the protagonist, Guybrush Threepwood
- “I can’t make the one thing this island could really use… a voodoo doll of Largo LaGrande!”
- – said by several citizens of Scabb Island about the local bully, shortly before Guybrush commissions a voodoo doll of Largo LaGrande
- “I felt a sudden disturbance in the Force…as if a tiny voice shouted out and then went silent.”
- – The Voodoo Lady, when Wally is kidnapped
- Quoting from Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
- Guybrush: I’m a game warden. I’ll have to confiscate your pole.
- Fisherman: Let’s see your badge.
- Guybrush: You don’t need to see no stinking Badge.
- Quoting from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, mixed with Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.
- Guybrush: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
- Carpenter: A woodchuck would chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck can’t chuck wood.
- Guybrush: But if a woodchuck could chuck and would chuck some amount of wood, what amount of wood would a woodchuck chuck?
- Carpenter: Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood, should a woodchuck chuck wood?
- Guybrush: A woodchuck should chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood, as long as a woodchuck would chuck wood.
- Carpenter: Oh shut up.
- Variations on a standard tongue-twister.
- Librarian: Guybrush? Is that a French name?
- Guybrush: No, actually it’s a fictional name.
The Curse of Monkey Island
- Elaine Marley: Let’s face it, LeChuck. You are an evil, foul-smelling, vile, codependent villain and that’s just not what I’m looking for in a romantic relationship right now.
- LeChuck: Darn yer riddles, ya saucy female! What d’ya mean?
- "I can’t, I’m washing my hair tonight"
- – Elaine Marley, reply to LeChuck asking her to be his undead wife
- [Guybrush encounters a talking skull, floating in the water.]
- Guybrush: Can I call you ‘Bob’? (Referring to the undead pirate Bob from the first game whose skull kept falling off)
- Murray: You may call me ‘Murray’! I am a powerful demonic force! I am the harbinger of your doom! And the forces of darkness will applaud me as I stride through the Gates of Hell – carrying your head on a pike!
- Guybrush: “Stride”?
- Murray: All right then, roll! Roll through the Gates of Hell! Must you take the fun out of everything?
- [Guybrush, tarred and feathered so he looks like a man-sized chicken, enters Blondebeard's chicken shop.]
- Captain Blondebeard: ¡Madre de Dios! ¡Es el Pollo Diablo! (“Mother of God! It’s the Devil Chicken!”)
- Guybrush: ¡Sí! ¡He dejado en libertad los prisioneros y ahora vengo por ti! (“Yes! I have released your prisoners, and now I've come for you!”)
- Captain Blondebeard: Well, yer not takin’ me without a fight!
- “I’m not bald! I just have a really high widow's peak.”
- – Murray, the demonic talking skull
- Guybrush: You’re about as fearsome as a doorstop.
- Murray the demonic talking skull: Is it a really evil-looking doorstop?
- Guybrush: Never mind.
- [Guybrush finds Murray hanging from a tall spike.]
- Guybrush: How’d you get all the way up there?
- Murray: Through sheer force of will!
- Guybrush: Uh-huh.
- Murray: … Okay, it was a bunch of those weird voodoo kids. They found me on shore and put me on top of this spike, all the time thinking they were so funny.
- Guybrush: What do you know about lifting voodoo curses?
- Murray: Oh sure. I know a lot about lifting curses. That’s why I'm a disembodied talking skull, hanging on a spike, in the middle of a swamp!
- Guybrush: You sound bitter.
- Murray: I’m sorry, it’s been a rough day.
- Guybrush: If I gave you your arm back, what would you do with it?
- Murray: I’d terrorize the South Seas! I’d torture the living! I’d demolish the… er… What I meant to say was, I’d use it to pet kittens.
- Guybrush: Nope. You blew it.
- Murray: Drat.
- "Mine is the name pirates fear the most: Edward “Snugglecakes” Van Helgen!"
- – Edward Van Helgen
- Haggis McMutton: Well, Haggis is only my nickname. My true name is ‘Heart Lungs And Liver Boiled In The Stomach Of The Animal McMutton’.
- Guybrush: Oh, so your parents were expecting a girl.
- Haggis: Aye.
- “It looks like a ship's skipper, first mate, a professor, and the rest.”
- – Guybrush, when looking at a pile of skulls, in reference to Gilligan's Island
- “I think I broke my skull. I’m *all* skull.”
- – Murray the demonic talking skull, having fallen from a great height
- Murray: Would you mind not talking down to me?
- Guybrush: Well, I really don’t have a choice…
- Edward Van Helgen: You shot my banjo!
- Guybrush: You can’t say that. That shot could have come from that grassy knoll.
- A reference to the grassy knoll in the assassination of John F. Kennedy.
- Guybrush: If you kill me... there wouldn’t be any more Monkey Island sequels. Then, if you kill me everyone will forget you.
- LeChuck: Forget me? I’m the dead zombie pirate LeChuck! No one will forget me!
- Guybrush: Do you remember Bobbin Threadbare?
- LeChuck: Er… no.
- Guybrush: Exactly.
- Bobbin Threadbare was a character in LOOM.
- “Join me, Rosencrantz! I am your FATHER!”
- – Slappy Cromwell, reciting lines from his play, re-written from Hamlet by way of Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.
- “It was no mere nightmare, Guybrush! Search your feelings! You know it to be true!”
- – LeChuck, quoting Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
- “We don't serve yer kind here!”
- – Haggis MacMutton, when Guybrush enters the barbershop tarred-and-feathered (another line from Star Wars)
- “I feel like I could, TAKE ON THE WORLD!”
- – Wally (a line from Day of the Tentacle)
- “Ask me about Grim Fandango.”
- – A badge worn by the silent patron in the chicken restaurant.
- Grim Fandango is another adventure game by LucasArts. Also a reference to The Secret Of Monkey Island, where a character from Loom wearing an "Ask me about Loom" badge was to be seen.
- “It's the stuff that really boring dreams are made of.”
- – Guybrush, looking at a stuffed raven
- Very famous altered quotation from The Maltese Falcon.
- “But- at- what- cost?”
- – Guybrush, imitating Captain Kirk
- [The ghost of Minnie Goodsoup reveals that, although she was left standing at the altar by a pirate, she’s ready to go and fall for another one.]
- Minnie Goodsoup: What do you do for living?
- Guybrush: Flooring inspector.
- Guybrush: I’m so sick of you guys and your rhyming.
- Haggis, Van Helgen and Cuthroat Bill:
- We’re ready to set sail, ’though the cannons need a priming.
-
- We’re thievin’ balladeers,
- A gang of cut-throat mugs,
- To fight us off, you won't need guns,
- Just jolly good earplugs!
- A pirate I was meant to be,
- Trim the sail and roam the sea…
- Guybrush:
- You say you’re fearsome pirates
- Scheming, thieving, bad bushwackers
- From what I’ve seen I’ll tell you
- You’re not pirates, you’re just slackers!
- Haggis, Van Helgen and Cuthroat Bill:
- A pirate I was meant to be,
- Trim the sail and roam the sea…
- Guybrush: We’ll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange…
- Haggis, Van Helgen and Cut Throat Bill And… umm… well… er…
- Cutthroat Bill: Door hinge?
- Van Helgen: No. No.
- Cutthroat Bill: Ah well, guess the song’s over then.
- Haggis: Guess so.
- Van Helgen: Okay, back to work.
- Guybrush: Gee, I feel a little guilty now.
- LeChuckie Doll: Arrgh! Math be hard, let’s go shoppin'!
- - Parody of the Teen Talk Barbie doll
- “All the key phrases are in there: ‘Blow the man down!’, ‘Shiver me timbers!’, ‘Who’s a pretty bird’!”
- – Wally regarding audio books on parrot
- [Guybrush pours the drug Head-B-Clear into his alcoholic drink.]
- Guybrush: That makes the drink O so much more appealing!
- Guybrush: (regarding LeChuck being Minnie Goodsoup's ex-fiancee)
- LeChuck is your schnoobums!?
- Guybrush: (when looking at the menu in Blondebeard’s chicken shoppe)
- Blondebeard’s chicken is proud to serve skinless chicken, we’re also proud to serve the skins.
Escape from Monkey Island
- Carla the Swordmaster: Do you have any idea how difficult it is to escape from Monkey Island?
- Guybrush: No, how difficult is it to… (with emphasis) Escape from Monkey Island?
- Carla: Well… it's really difficult.
- “Life is like pillaging a trading vessel bound for Jamestown... Ya never know what you're gonna get.”
- – Guybrush sitting on a bench on Lucre Island, in reference to Forrest Gump
- “Ahh, the middle finger, the most communicative of fingers.”
- – Guybrush, when looking at the middle finger of the giant hand in the Voodoo Lady's shop
- “I may be a dunce, but at least I'm a mighty pirate dunce!”
- – Guybrush, after getting himself kicked out of the pirate re-training school on Knuttin Atoll
- “Are you sure we can't kill him? I’ve let him alive before, and it’s always been a big mistake.”
- – LeChuck, about Guybrush Threepwood
- “Well… you fight like a cow!”
- – Guybrush, when LeChuck exits the Governor’s Mansion
- “Get that thing away from me, you twisted freak!”
- – Murray, when Guybrush shows him the “Abomination of Nature”
- “SEE souvenirs of Guybrush Threepwood’s most famous escapades! TASTE culinary delights approved by genuine pirates! HEAR beautiful pirate folk music! FEEL your souls being gently ripped from your bodies by this restaurant of uncompromising EEEEEVIL!!! MWAH-HAH-HAH-HAAA!!!”
- – Murray
- “Oh, the temperature’s a-rising while my sweat’s a-vapourising and I can not feel my legs below my knees anymore.”
- – Guybrush, waiting for the ride in the First Church of LeChuck to begin
- "Iron Maiden?! Excellent! ... I have no idea why I just said that."
- – Guybrush, examining an iron maiden. Reference to the movie "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure".
- “Okey... Goodbye cruel adventure game!!.... .. naah forget it"
- – Guybrush at his mansion while standing at the cliff and hitting enter to jump off the cliff in the beginning of the game.
- "That's the second biggest... no, actually, that is the biggest conch shell I've ever seen!"
- – Guybrush, upon seeing the giant conch shell Ozzie intends to use to broadcast the Ultimate Insult across the Caribbean.