Hoodwinked Quotations

Hoodwinked is a 2005 film based on the Little Red Riding Hood folktale. Structurally, it borrows from the films Rashomon and The Usual Suspects, as well as frequently intertwining various plots, a method popularized by Quentin Tarantino's cult film Pulp Fiction.

Written and Directed by Cory Edwards, Todd Edwards, and Tony Leech.

Trouble In The Hood taglines

Red

You again! What do I have to do, get a restraining order?

For a reporter, you sure have a funny way of doing your job.

Shouldn't I have a lawyer?

"Happily Ever After Agency"?

Ha, wah yah ha-rah!(Said while beating up the wolf). Hee-yah!(Said after kicking the wolf in te face)

Boingo

You've been Hoodwinked, baby!

Maybe so, but I'm top of the woods now baby!

Oh, you'd best be fearing the ear baby!

I smell hairspray.

And Keith-- darn it, change your name! It's not scary, and I'm embarassed to say it. Boris, Try that. Keith, you know, OH, watch out for KEITH!

You're going over to Granny's house, to suprise Red. Is it her birthday, or what is it? Some sort of shindig? Cause I'm great at parties, watch me pull myself out of a hat!

Kirk/Woodsman

What the schnitzel?

I had always heard about call backs. But I had never gotten one!

Not my finger!

Can I have coffee?

Paul's Bunion Cream has the soothing formula, to make the bunions head for the hills!

The Wolf

Oh, the wolf did it. Talk about profiling.

Never trust a bunny.

(after giving Twitchy coffee) What... have I done?

What can I say? I was raised by wolves.

I'm your Grandma.

Twitchy

Dee-na-mee-tay. Must be Italian.

Oh-I-don't-drink-coffee!

(after drinking a whole cup of coffee in seconds) Caff-EINE! YEAH, baby! (zooms off into the forest after the cops, leaving a sonic boom in his wake)

Never trust a bunny!

Others

Granny: Listen, munchkin, if there's two things your granny doesn't do, it's lie, and play extreme sports.

Nicky Flippers: Let's just say that if a tree falls in the forest you'll get three stories: yours, mine and the tree's.

Chief Grizzly: [after Twitchy tries to talk to them] Hold on. He seems to be speaking... words of some kind.

Detective Bill Stork: Watch it, Chief. My mama's half loon.

Dialogue

Flippers: What's with the handcuffs on a little girl? Her wrists could slip right out! How about a cage?

Bill: Bring in the cage!

Flippers: I was being sarcastic.

Bill: (disappointed) Sarcasm, strike the cage...

Wolf: Twitchy! You scared me!

Twitchy: [speaking quickly] Hey-boss-I-called-I-beeped-you-on-your-beeper-did-you-get-my-beep?

Wolf: Twitchy, you've got to calm down.

Twitchy: I-got-up-early-and-I-got-the-gear-I-was-watching-the-girl-like-you-told-me-to-the-girl-in-the-red-hood.

Wolf: Yeah, the girl in the red hood. Did you see where she went?

Twitchy: She-went-past-the-porcupines-and-the-red-bird's-tree-and-the-guy-with-the-long-beard-and-now-she's-up-the-creek-and-she-sings-everywhere-she-goes-she's-like-lalalalalalalalalala...

Wolf: Hey, Twitchy? Ever think of switching to decaf?

Twitchy: Oh-I-don't-drink-coffee!

Wolf: That bunny was worthless! Not to mention he wrote the directions on an easter egg, which is very hard to read. Never trust a bunny with directions, Twitchy.

Twitch: Right boss! Never trust a bunny!

Twitchy: [lost in a cave] Oh, we're gonna die in here!

Wolf: [trying to reassure Twitchy] Hey, now, that's what they said at the Alamo.

Twitchy: Hey, lookie, I found a box of candles. A big box!

Wolf: Candles? Well light 'em up!

Twitchy lights them

Wolf: [receiving the lit stick of dynamite] Wow, thats nice and bright. What kind of candles are those?

Twitchy: [pointing at writing on dynamite] Dee-na-mee-tay. Must be Italian.

Chief Grizzly: Pretty thin Wolf! You say the old lady was already tied up. How did that happen?

Wolf: I don't know, maybe to make herself look innocent. I just write the news Chief, I don't make it.

Red: For a reporter, you sure have a strange way of doing your job.

Wolf: What can I say? I was raised by wolves.

Red: Who are you ?

Wolf: I'm your grandma.

Red: Your face looks really weird, granny.

Wolf: I've been sick, I... uh...

Red: Your mouth doesn't move when you talk.

Wolf: Plastic surgery. Grandma's had a little work done.

Granny: Honey, don't look at your granny like that.

Red: I'm sorry, I thought you were Triple G. Or are you the Bandit?

Bill: Awkward!

[awkwardly slips out of the room]

Red: A wolf, stopping kids in the middle of the forest? That's pretty creepy.

Flippers: Right, yes. But we don't arrest people for being creepy.

Tommy: [into walkie-talkie] Yeah, Bruce, you know that guy we got in the tank?

Bruce: [over walkie-talkie] Ah, the creepy one?

Tommy: Yeah, better let him go.

[Boingo does his evil dance]

Granny: Sweet tea and cookies! We've got to do something!

Wolf: I know. The song was catchy, but the choreography was terrible.

[Red meets Japeth]

Red: I'm looking for Granny Puckett's house?

Japeth: [singing] Graaaaaaaanneeee Puckeeeet...

Red: Could you stop singing for one moment?

Japeth: [singing] No I can't, wish I could, but a mountain witch done put a spell on me, 37 years agoooooooo, and now I gotta sing every thing I saaaaaaaaayyyyyy...

Red: Everything?

Japeth: [speaking] That's right.

Red: You just talked! Just now!

Japeth: Oh, did I? (sings) Did I? Dididididodadidididoooo...

Boingo: [to tied and gagged Red] Hey, you're a delivery girl, right? Then could you do me a favor? Could you take this down the mountain? edEx#Slogans|'Cause it absolutely, positively has to be there TONIGHT! I'm sorry...What...I can't quite...with the...You've got something right there across your mouth! (Laughs)

Woodsman: [disguised as Dolph] Uh, Mister Rabbit...

Boingo: Dolph! Where have you been? You nimwitted Eurotrash with the... what is that, a ski mask?

Woodsman: Uh, I, um, yah...

Boingo: I like that! See, that's scary. Yeah that's good...

Woodsman: Um, b-boss...

Boingo: WHAT? Say it! Spit it out! What's goin' on?

Woodsman: Um... boss, uh,

[singing]

Woodsman: Paul's bunion cream/has the soothing formula...

Wolf: [interrupts, also in disguise] Hi there! What he means to say is that I'm the building inspector.

Woodsman: Yah, yes!

Wolf: I just need to tap the pipes; see if your wiring's up to par.

Boingo: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it, you're not... no, you can't touch anything in here.

Wolf: [pauses] Let's walk.

Woodsman: Arrrgh! Paul's bunion cream has the soothing formula...

Jimmy Lizard: [interrupts] Whoa, whoa, whoa, no. Hold it, hold it. Ho, ho, stop... Look, "Argh"?

Woodsman: Uh-huh...

Jimmy Lizard: What... what are ya, some kinda German pirate or somethin'?

Woodsman: I just got the script, like, five minutes ago... I'm trying...

Jimmy Lizard: Okay, sure, sure, um... you're not gettin' it...

Flippers: It would seem that all of you came together tonight by mistake.

[walks past dog typing notes]

Flippers: Maybe you naughty neighbors butted heads so we could get to the real truth.

Wolf: The Goody Bandit...

Flippers: That's right. The Bandit's still at large. There's been a lot of finger pointing tonight, but now all fingers point to the Bandit.

Woodsman: Not my finger!

[quickly puts index finger in mouth and starts sucking it]

Flippers: Oh no, you were just out damaging forest property, cutting down the redwoods we all call home.

[the Woodsman starts spluttering]

Flippers: Big guy like you, you could probably take whatever you want from little goody-loving creatures, couldn't you?

Woodsman: But someone robbed me! Have we lost track of that?

Flippers: Thats right, someone did. Maybe a snack food competitor. Right Granny?

Granny: Now hold on a pea-picking minute! I may lead a double life full of secrets and deception, but that's no reason to be suspicious.

Woodsman: Huh?

Flippers: A woman like you could have a lot to gain stealing all those recipes.

Chief Grizzly: And that's how she makes her goodies so good! Eh?

Flippers: Or she could just be another victim... of a hungry Wolf.

Wolf: Ah, the wolf did it. Talk about profiling.

Flippers: Why should we trust someone who wears disguises for a living?

Chief Grizzly: Maybe he's not a wolf at all!

Wolf: You got me. I'm a poodle. I just haven't been to the barbershop in a long time.

Chief Grizzly: Is this all just a big joke to you?

Wolf: I just followed the girl here.

Granny: You leave my granddaughter alone!

Flippers: Yes, now we get to Little Red, the girl with the basket on the run.

[camera points to empty chair]

Flippers: Where is she anyway?

Wolf: I can't believe I'm saying this but... drink up.

[gives twitchy the coffee]

Wolf: We may want... to stand back.

Twitchy: [Sips coffee and his eyes bulge and he starts shaking] Yee-hoo-hoo-hoo! Wahooo! Caffeine! Yeah baby! Whoa!

Wolf: Go get 'em boy.

[Twitchy takes off and bounces all over the place]

Wolf: What... have I done?

Granny: Now the rest's up to us.

Woodsman: Can I have coffee?

Woodsman: I would never hurt a fly!

Bill[puts an axe on the table] Then what's this? A letter opener?

Woodsman: A callback? What do I do?

Director: You come back tomorrow and do the same thing you did today, only, this time, you do it good.

Taglines

Trouble in the Hood

Armed and Dangerously Dumb

A Granny Who Kicks Fanny

Red Riding Hood, The Woodsman, Granny, The Wolf. Not Your Typical Crime. Not Your Usual Suspects.

Cast

Anne Hathaway - Red
Glenn Close - Granny
Jim Belushi - The Woodsman
Patrick Warburton - The Wolf
Cory Edwards - Twitchy
David Ogden Stiers - Nicky Flippers
Xzibit - Chief Grizzly
Anthony Anderson - Detective Bill Stork
Andy Dick - Boingo
Benjy Gaither - Japeth the Goat

Quoternity